Only People As Brilliant As Trump Can Get A Perfect Score On This Quiz

The White House is very proud of the fact that the President got a perfect score on this test. Can you match the Very Stable Genius himself on the Montreal Cognitive Assessment?*

*Hopefully goes without saying, but this is an APPROXIMATION of the MoCA test, and it’s just for funsies.

Look at these five words and commit them to memory. You will be asked to recall them later in the quiz.

14 Times “Shrek” Really Pushed The Envelope On Being PG

Spoiler: Robin Hood was skeezier than you thought.

First, there’s the beginning of the movie, when Shrek very obviously implies that fairy tales are a load of shit…

First, there's the beginning of the movie, when Shrek very obviously implies that fairy tales are a load of shit...

As Shrek reads a fairy tale during the opening shot, he rips off a page from the book and presumably uses it as toilet paper while saying, “Like that’s ever going to happen. What a load of…”

Dreamworks

The part when Shrek and Donkey discuss Lord Farquaad’s physical endowment…

The part when Shrek and Donkey discuss Lord Farquaad's physical endowment...

If you first watched Shrek as a kid, you probably definitely didn't understand this line when Shrek and Donkey were making fun of Lord Farquaad and his overly huge castle and asked each other, “Do you think maybe he’s compensating for something?”

Dreamworks

And, of course, when the official Duloc welcome anthem plays…

And, of course, when the official Duloc welcome anthem plays...

“Please stay off of the grass, shine your shoes, wipe your…**face**”

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When Robin Hood lets it slip about his true intentions for rescuing damsels in distress…

When Robin Hood lets it slip about his true intentions for rescuing damsels in distress...

“I like an honest fight and a saucy little maid,” he sings in maybe the most epic cartoon French accent. The Merry Men then fill in the next line: “What he's basically saying is he likes to get…paid.” Except, ya know, they really mean **laid**.

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When Lord Farquaad is looking at pictures of Fiona in the mirror, and he has to, uh, adjust his grip on the blanket that covers his lap.

When Lord Farquaad is looking at pictures of Fiona in the mirror, and he has to, uh, adjust his grip on the blanket that covers his lap.

Your parents definitely knew what was going on here.

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When we realize the fate that beheld the Mother Bear we saw captured earlier in the movie…

When we realize the fate that beheld the Mother Bear we saw captured earlier in the movie...

Yikes :(.

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When Shrek overhears Donkey having a ~sexy~ dream…

When Shrek overhears Donkey having a ~sexy~ dream...

“Come on, baby, you know I like it like that…” 😳

Dreamworks

When the Magic Mirror is talking about Snow White and jokes, “Although she lives with seven other men, she’s not easy.”

When the Magic Mirror is talking about Snow White and jokes, "Although she lives with seven other men, she's not easy."

Ick.

Dreamworks

In Shrek 2, when Pinnochio is wearing a thong…

In Shrek 2, when Pinnochio is wearing a thong...

It comes in handy to save Shrek and his friends, but like……….at what cost to our childhood, you guys??

Dreamworks

And when castle guards find a little bag of catnip on Puss in Boots…

And when castle guards find a little bag of catnip on Puss in Boots...

A shakedown you definitely didn't understand as a child.

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When Prince Charming finds the Big Bad Wolf alone with some…bedside reading.

When Prince Charming finds the Big Bad Wolf alone with some...bedside reading.

Never unseeing that magazine cover, hbu?

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When Shrek’s pants fall down, and the damsels look super pleased with what they see…

When Shrek's pants fall down, and the damsels look super pleased with what they see...

Subtle.

Dreamworks

In the beginning of Shrek the Third, when Donkey pulls the covers off of Shrek and then screams…

In the beginning of Shrek the Third, when Donkey pulls the covers off of Shrek and then screams...

Apparently, Shrek likes to sleep au natural.

Dreamworks

And finally, when a group of students roll up in the medieval equivalent of a Volkswagen bus.

And finally, when a group of students roll up in the medieval equivalent of a Volkswagen bus.

And they open the door to let out some smoke, and you overhear someone saying, “Hey, bro, don't burn all my frankincense and myrrh.” Classic.

Dreamworks

This post was translated from Spanish.

19 Servers Who Failed So Hard They Won

Ouch.

Let’s be clear: SERVERS WORK HARD AND ARE BASICALLY SUPERHEROES. But even superheroes fail — and it’s hilarious.

Let's be clear: SERVERS WORK HARD AND ARE BASICALLY SUPERHEROES. But even superheroes fail — and it's hilarious.

tenor.com

This server, who got a bad customer evaluation:

This server, who got a bad customer evaluation:

instagram.com

This server, who dropped her tray:

This server, who dropped her tray:

instagram.com

And this server, who dropped her tray AND her money:

And this server, who dropped her tray AND her money:

instagram.com

This server’s interesting spelling of the word “squash”

This server's interesting spelling of the word "squash"

instagram.com

And this server has an interesting way of spelling “birthday”:

And this server has an interesting way of spelling "birthday":

instagram.com

This server delivered this to a table:

This server delivered this to a table:

instagram.com

This server dropped espresso packets in the potatoes:

This server dropped espresso packets in the potatoes:

instagram.com

This server handed the chef this ticket and expected them to understand it:

This server handed the chef this ticket and expected them to understand it:

instagram.com

This server dropped sugar and left a looooooong trail of it:

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This server, who seems to have fallen while trying to wash dishes:

This server, who seems to have fallen while trying to wash dishes:

instagram.com

This server dropped her table’s to-go box just five minutes before closing:

This server dropped her table's to-go box just five minutes before closing:

instagram.com

This server dropped a whole bucket of ice:

This server dropped a whole bucket of ice:

instagram.com

And this server broke a planter:

And this server broke a planter:

instagram.com

This server should stay away from sharp objects:

This server should stay away from sharp objects:

instagram.com

This server charged customers $2.29 for “sluts” (???):

This server charged customers $2.29 for "sluts" (???):

instagram.com

This server dropped a shitload of ketchup:

instagram.com

And this server dropped a shitload of silverware:

And this server dropped a shitload of silverware:

instagram.com

This served accidentally divided the bill into 20, instead of two.

This served accidentally divided the bill into 20, instead of two.

instagram.com

And last but not least, server who failed and is unfazed:

And last but not least, server who failed and is unfazed:

instagram.com

18 Photos That Will Make You Say, “Hey, At Least I’m Not That Bad”

Shout out to your local IT person.

Whoever set up these speakers:

Whoever set up these speakers:

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Or this router:

Or this router:

reddit.com

The person who rested their laptop on the stove:

The person who rested their laptop on the stove:

reddit.com

Or whichever employee filled this printer:

Or whichever employee filled this printer:

reddit.com

This probably wasn’t a smart place to put that candle:

This probably wasn't a smart place to put that candle:

reddit.com

The person who filed this claim:

The person who filed this claim:

reddit.com

Or whichever guy thought this would be “cool:”

Or whichever guy thought this would be "cool:"

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This lazy person’s dilemma:

This lazy person's dilemma:

reddit.com

The person who thought this would be a good candle holder:

The person who thought this would be a good candle holder:

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Or that this would be a good place for chewing gum:

Or that this would be a good place for chewing gum:

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This person has cracked:

This person has cracked:

reddit.com

Or the person who literally baked their phone:

Or the person who literally baked their phone:

reddit.com

They clearly thought this was a touch screen:

They clearly thought this was a touch screen:

Hint: it's not.

reddit.com

Pray for the person who has to fix this issue:

Pray for the person who has to fix this issue:

reddit.com

And this person who’s literally melted their device:

And this person who's literally melted their device:

reddit.com

This person thought duct tape would be a quick and easy fix:

This person thought duct tape would be a quick and easy fix:

reddit.com

And lastly, it might be time for a new laptop:

And lastly, it might be time for a new laptop:

reddit.com

Actually, while you’re at it, a new screen too:

Actually, while you're at it, a new screen too:

reddit.com

17 Husbands And Boyfriends Who Are Competing For The “Jerk Of The Year” Award

::side-eye emoji::

This boyfriend who commemorated his S.O.’s first fart in front of him with THIS.

This boyfriend who commemorated his S.O.'s first fart in front of him with THIS.

Thanks?

mindspread / Via reddit.com

The husband who made this label that his wife hasn’t noticed yet.

The husband who made this label that his wife hasn't noticed yet.

Oh-so-clever…or should I say, CLABBER.

JimmyLegs50 / Via reddit.com

This boyfriend who got his partner the 3-carat ring she asked for.

This boyfriend who got his partner the 3-carat ring she asked for.

BIG SIGH.

vbpatel / Via reddit.com

This serious Game of Thrones fan whose girlfriend let him decorate the bathroom.

This serious Game of Thrones fan whose girlfriend let him decorate the bathroom.

Funny, TBH.

brianito / Via reddit.com

This husband who just COULDN’T resist “writing” on the new pillows his wife bought.

This husband who just COULDN'T resist "writing" on the new pillows his wife bought.

Great. Just, great.

____DEADPOOL_______ / Via reddit.com

This husband, who told his wife he left a present for her on her pillow.

This husband, who told his wife he left a present for her on her pillow.

Wow, rude.

Orange_Ya_Glad / Via reddit.com

The boyfriend that gave his girlfriend a very sweet back massage, then sent her a photo of what he ACTUALLY did.

The boyfriend that gave his girlfriend a very sweet back massage, then sent her a photo of what he ACTUALLY did.

You are what you draw?

zombiewafflezz / Via reddit.com

The husband that added this finishing touch to his wife’s body pillow.

The husband that added this finishing touch to his wife's body pillow.

I wouldn't complain.

the_true_tara / Via instagram.com

This boyfriend who brought his S.O. a bowl of chips and…yeah, no.

This boyfriend who brought his S.O. a bowl of chips and...yeah, no.

::side-eye emoji::

britwent / Via Instagram: @britwent

This boyfriend who isn’t wrong, but is definitely IN the wrong.

This boyfriend who isn't wrong, but is definitely IN the wrong.

::sighs deeply::

tegdirbm / Via reddit.com

This husband who made his first dad joke when his pregnant wife said she wanted a toasty shower.

This husband who made his first dad joke when his pregnant wife said she wanted a toasty shower.

Welcome to a whole new world, mama.

imgur.com

This boyfriend who made the spongecake that his girlfriend asked for.

This boyfriend who made the spongecake that his girlfriend asked for.

Vom.

zphantom / Via reddit.com

And finally, this boyfriend that got his GF the golden retriever she wanted for her birthday.

And finally, this boyfriend that got his GF the golden retriever she wanted for her birthday.

Hardee, har, har.

maddipotter28 / Via reddit.com

17 Posts That Are So Inappropriate You’ll Spit-Laugh

“Blowing a dandelion is basically you helping a weed ejaculate.”

imgur.com

baracknobama.tumblr.com

yeah-yeah-beebiss-1.tumblr.com

theproblematicblogger.tumblr.com

Twitter: @Antonio_IA7

larry-lovatic.tumblr.com

tiptayshun.tumblr.com

imgur.com

Twitter: @samkalidi

memewhore.tumblr.com

sasstricbypass.tumblr.com

hotsidesra.tumblr.com

lunapics.tumblr.com

yes-master-thank-you-master.tumblr.com

thedailylaughs.tumblr.com

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necrophilofthefuture.tumblr.com

19 Things That Will Make You Scream And Want To Take A Deep Breath

Try not to bang the keyboard.

This person:

This person:

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This society:

This society:

reddit.com

This “scientist”:

This "scientist":

reddit.com

This drug dealer who was a little too under the influence:

This drug dealer who was a little too under the influence:

reddit.com

This “cleaning” device:

This "cleaning" device:

reddit.com

This poor person who didn’t understand how a Swiss Army knife works:

This poor person who didn't understand how a Swiss Army knife works:

reddit.com

This person who underestimated the power of a comma:

This person who underestimated the power of a comma:

reddit.com

This blatant lie:

This blatant lie:

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This logic:

This logic:

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This economic lesson:

This economic lesson:

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This guy who doesn’t understand how language works:

This guy who doesn't understand how language works:

reddit.com

Just, this…

Just, this...

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This person…SMH:

This person...SMH:

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This driver:

This driver:

reddit.com

This person who doesn’t understand how numbers work:

This person who doesn't understand how numbers work:

reddit.com

This person who just wanted to declare their love:

This person who just wanted to declare their love:

reddit.com

This map, LOL:

This map, LOL:

reddit.com

This modern marvel:

This modern marvel:

reddit.com

And finally, this compatibility issue:

And finally, this compatibility issue:

reddit.com

21 People Who Are Having A Way, Way, Way, Way Worse Day Than You

Remember: It can always get worse.

Hey, at least you still have your ice cream:

Hey, at least you still have your ice cream:

Twitter: @youngweonhi

And your cooking tray:

And your cooking tray:

Twitter: @KieranRiley123

And…your forehead:

And...your forehead:

Twitter: @pampulvirenti

I mean, look on the bright side: You still have your toilet…

I mean, look on the bright side: You still have your toilet...

Twitter: @CVBelieve

Your grapes are still intact:

Your grapes are still intact:

Twitter: @Jaaaaaymomma

And you don’t look like a big ol’ donut:

And you don't look like a big ol' donut:

Twitter: @CadeHuckabay

There aren’t any statues about to fall on you:

There aren't any statues about to fall on you:

Twitter: @statuses

You didn’t send this email:

You didn't send this email:

Twitter: @CBMSt1

And you and your dentist didn’t get a liiiittle too close:

And you and your dentist didn't get a liiiittle too close:

Twitter: @XtinaNovakovic

Never forget that you aren’t this person:

Never forget that you aren't this person:

Twitter: @gavtits

Or this person:

Or this person:

Twitter: @Krissy_Lyn

And, hey, this isn’t your doll:

And, hey, this isn't your doll:

Twitter: @TashP351

And you aren’t sleeping in a cornbed tonight:

And you aren't sleeping in a cornbed tonight:

Twitter: @OneTrickTofani

And, thankfully, you’re not Taiwan Jones:

And, thankfully, you're not Taiwan Jones:

Twitter

If all else fails, just say to yourself, At least my family didn’t put me on a mug:

If all else fails, just say to yourself, At least my family didn't put me on a mug:

Twitter: @Dilicious23

And at least I didn’t almost accidentally kill everyone today:

And at least I didn't almost accidentally kill everyone today:

Twitter: @Dawny716

And, thankfully, I didn’t invent a whole new form of texting:

And, thankfully, I didn't invent a whole new form of texting:

Twitter: @JazzTrombonist

Finally, if you’re still not feeling better, just remember that you didn’t Tinder match a relative:

Finally, if you're still not feeling better, just remember that you didn't Tinder match a relative:

Twitter: @hxelprincess

And Dave still loves you:

And Dave still loves you:

Twitter: @lucyy_wilsonn

And, finally, never forget: At least you’re not Dennis.

And, finally, never forget: At least you're not Dennis.

Twitter: @bmangall20